Pada Kemana

Early in subuh I updated on line :
“Out of my professional field, I intentionally want to say that I never understand human. The more I try to muse them, the more they become too vague.”

Really, I am not an anti-social due to my major in university it’s impossible to get my field by being anti-social and loving solitary so much (well sometimes I feel comfortable with my me time, and maybe everyone will feel that way too sih)  but beside my disciplines I am human too in general. I can explode, I loathe human, I don’t agree with their dogmas, I don’t like how they labeling people, I love their kindness, I love their uniqueness through life, I like how they have beautiful mind, I like how they make contradictory in conversation, I like how they photograph. But oh well, they are not often leave me with venom which is I don’t have to shackled with it. 
I hate them, especially when they left me wondering.
Some points why I don’t get them lately :
  • How could they don’t even tell me if they want to cancel plan, I could understand that people may have their moody sides, but please give understanding on respect people. Or is it just me that put too big expectation to meet them? Well, not really I like being home too. 
  • This is will pointed to the boys, and I curse my loneliness to think that they will available to cure that feeling. It’s not only one boy, that gave me cute stories. They gave me attention, asked how’s my life, having a deep conversation, invited me to hang out, then what. In other day they would leave me WONDERING. Maybe they haven’t watched White Bird In A Blizzard, how we could emotionally feel how the feeling of being left, without even any explanation or any problem before the leaving. There was one boy, one day he would nicely talk to me in other day he would leave me again wondering. If they have busy life, fine just tell me, I have my business too. This is sound too funny, but oh well seriously this is really matter to me. 
  • I don’t understand how they stereotype people. Maybe I am not human.
  • Am I really ugly? So, I don’t look attractive and beautifully coloring your life?:( Well, I’ve thought about it too much, that I don’t need to be worry with my look. The best will stay, the best will accept you in any way.
I want to live in harmony with people. I want to be a nice human.
I have willingness to understand them,
Or maybe is it just me in the outer space, so I couldn’t reach them.
But I believe no one in this world can fully reach someone. 
We have our own walls, it’s inside of us.
And please don’t leave me wondering. 
You are beautiful, dear people.
Do not let society take that away from you. Yeah we can’t ignore it’s important to look good in society, but what’s good?
P.S. : Thank you for those who stay.

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