my sadness

It’s 1:30 a.m. maybe the 8 year old version of me was sleeping in her dream. And never thought it would be as hard as now.
I am sorry Yana, I couldn’t be the happiest girl as you wish for your goal in life back then years or months ago. I am not the saddest, I am not sad, but can I call myself happy? 
Well, I guess I am totally blessed, for having the sweetest little sister that will wake me up in the morning and asks me to take a bath because she won’t do it before I do first. I have parents that wanted me to be home at ramadhan and picked me up even they were in a busy. I have my little brother that left sweet memories since we fight much but I know when he lies, that I wish I can capable to recognize every lie on people. 
I am blessed with home, with friends that can be crazy and damn a serious economic-politic-welfare analyst. 
I am blessed with the free air, with the wind that blows, with sun, the most incredible creature.
I am blessed to have books, to get decent education, to eat favorite food. 
I am blessed, how could I be so sad?
This writing will bring to the nothingness.
I can’t handle it.

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